I feel the spot light on me but strangely im in the dark.

Help me. reach out. show me the light not a spark

I fear the dark because in it im alone.

When really im cold and just want to go home

Though in the safety of my room im still not okay.

Someone suck this poison from my brain

I wish there was a way.

While my mind fights attacks my heart is at war.

I picture your smile and I hurt more and more.

Your smile once lit my world but its burnt out now

It went away like my happiness and you know how

Overall this has left me a wound.

one that i protect and it wont heal soon.

You try to heal it but I say dont touch.

I want are love 2 continue but this just hurts to much

But someday one will come along and knock everything out of the way

But I really hope and pray there will be that day.

yeah im up late...cant seem to sleep. woke up at midnight...maybe im going to turn into a ware wolf? that would be awesome. if i was a were wolf...i would run around town scaring the crap outta people. just for shits n giggles lol. i am really considering going down stairs to play resident evil! that reminds me. i have to get a tip from a gaming site. theres this one puzzle that i cant figure out. its so damn hard to do it so. and plus its always fun to play video games where you can shoot zombies heads off lol. fun fun hehe....might have sum apple juice. well goodnite computer.

wow....man tontie was bullshit...fuckin people and there shit. there was no fricken hay rack ride.  instead of the four wheelers they fricken used the grannie mobile lawn mower. lol. my mom actually wanted to go for a ride...haha i guess thats cool ahhaha....its just that there was only like lil kids 6 and under on it haha. whatever floats your boat lol.....my dog is having a nite mare right now...haha....anyways...my EX gf....i looked at sum of her pics today and they were ones i wasnt expecting...oh well though. overall shes still cute and by seeing these pic it showed me that i could really have fun with this chick due to her personality. :D whoop de fricken doo....im feelin like shit rite now though...i almost walked home from the fuggin mall at 7 when its pitch black outside...i didnt give a fug about what would happen to me. i was so pissed off...i just wanted to take a fuggin bat and fuck something up majorly. it would feel so good. but after i was done i would probably cry....cuz really im just so frustrated and things have just been so fuggin shitty for me. sometimes i feel so sad thats its obvious and still everyone ignores me...rite now i could say i fuggin hate them.  if i try getting to close to anyone they will probably feel smothered...so i just stay back and try to act cool...when really i feel lonely...i just need love...whereever that comes from idk...but whatever.....tommorow im going to pick up my grandma from the airport. shes back from florida and i hope to talk to her...but shes been distant ever since i said i was a lesbian. she seems to be so busy that...idk...i never see anything from eye to eye. she thinks no and i think yes its like...wtf am i doin even talking to her in the first place.....now i just cant believe my aunt who is like 37 went back to her old ex bf that she hasent seen in years who cheated on her. she calls him up and says i wanna start a family and settle down.....psh....lol....he just want a hit it and quit it.   my poor poor aunt....nothing i can do to help her there. just hope shes happy.....anyway im goin to bed....my fuggin life is so shitty right now.....i just ultimately wish i had something that could promise me that things will be okay.